Needing Something

Ok I have a question. Isn't a family suppose to be there for you no matter what you did or what happened? Well mine really isn't. They can pretend that I didn't pull the stunt I did a month ago and just push it off. But what they don't realize is that I need them now more then ever because of how I've been feeling lately. There has been alot of things that have occured not just because of a month ago but also from some stupid things that I did back in the summer. And now I feel so lost and I don't know where I belong. I left Northwest because I wasn't feeling at home there but now that I am back here I don't feel like I belong here either. I feel so empty and inadequate. I just want to be happy and I don't know where to do that at. I had a home that I thought was stable but it didn't stay. It was the first place that I thought I had actually belonged and now I don't know what to think.....So this next poem is one that I wrote a month ago after the incident. I'm sure you guys will be able to guess what happened and know that this poem is not the happiest but it was what I was feeling at the time before the incident. I hope you guys can learn something from my mistake and know that not everything is as bad as you think it is. This one is entitled Hourglass for now I'm trying to think of a new title.

Hourglass

The sands of time are slowly slipping through the hourglass

Counting down to our final breath

But what if it's too much time for you to bear

Each day is passing and no one can see the pain behind your eyes

You wear a mask to disguise the hurt and suffering

You question why you're here and if anyone really cares

Maybe they're better off

In a world where you are not

You empty the medication bottles

Looking for relief

Something to feel besides the pain

But what you feel is not what you had expected

Your body turns numb from what you had just done

Your breathing becomes heavy and your head starts to pound

You regret the decision after a while

But you don't move from where you are

You try to think of reasons to fight back

To change what you have just done

But none are coming

You lie there and think of all the reasons to have done this to yourself

To your friends and family

But the reasons don't make sense anymore

You close your eyes thinking that this is it

That nothing could reverse what was happening

But the end doesn't come

Just the answers you were looking for

You worked so hard to please everyone

Without really ever helping yourself

You over-reacted and worried over nothing

You led yourself down this path of destruction

No one else is to blame

You could have stopped it before it began

If you just would have fought for yourself

Instead of apologizing for things that weren't your fault

You get a second chance to run your own life

So move forward and don't look back

Look toward your future

Don't hesitate anymore

Be the person you want to be

No one can hold you back

And more importantly don't let the others suffer for something so selfish

The sand in your hourglass has not yet ran out